Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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