stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
