if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
