Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
