69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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