i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
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