Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
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