You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
