Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
