walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
