just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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