Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
