there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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