I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
