We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
