Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
