Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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