I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
