i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
high people should be assigned attendants
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
