once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
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