worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Randomize
