I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
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