Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
