i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
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