I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
