Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
