have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
