Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
