so that wasnt chicken after all
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
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