You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
