You're my little dorito
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
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