yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
