Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
