i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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