Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Randomize
