im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
