we made out on top of his cat.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
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