if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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