I wish my penis had an off switch
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
