WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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