saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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