I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
