omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
