saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
