He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
