Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
