he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
