In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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