My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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