were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
