I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
