he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
