What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
