I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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