I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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